I’m losing direction, and this time I won’t fight it.
The feeling that someone is watching your every move, judging you and making calculations is too familiar to some people. If you mess up once, that voice to the left of your head will let you know in no uncertain terms where you’ve failed and why you’ve failed. This voice will encourage you to distract yourself…
When you have as easy access to the higher level as our antagonist does here, you will struggle to fight against the tide; it’s strange how society begs you partake in activities that are deemed socially unacceptable, but how else are you meant to reach as high as you can… discover all there is to be discovered, and be reminded of your mortality in the space of 12 hours? To see the universe in the palm of your hand only to be shown how tiny in the grand scheme of things? To make you realise that you are all that is important, but at the same time are meaningless?
Someone once told our young antagonist that you shouldn’t need to do these things to be content. Our antagonist realised that by making this someone happy, they themselves find a new chemical concoction in their brain. Endless streams of endorphins, every moment becomes bright and precious, and one will never, ever, want to let go. On the flip, the comedown is gruesome. That sinking feeling in your stomach when you realise that you making them happy no longer leaves them with a need for you; they will go and do something that can heighten this happiness.
We will never stop, because if we stop we will feel.
And if we feel, we will not be able to deal with it.
Take a lesson from our antagonist here.
EDIT: READ LIGHT HEARTEDLY; my sober self laughs. and then is nostalgic.
And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.
No, not gonna blog about this.
I’m pretty sure you can’t just pick one of those up at the local hardware store.
I’m lucky; I’ve got everything I need, and more.
I’m content; everything is going right, and there’s no reason why it should stop.
I’m finally me.
EDIT: I’d still like to have my friends how we were though…
